My 34th birthday is Tuesday. For some reason I’ve been dreading this particular birthday, partly because I can no longer really say I’m in my “early 30s” anymore. But the MUCH BIGGER part is the whole “baby thing.”
When I visited the gynecologist in early January, she asked me if we were planning on having kids. After I told her “no,” I asked why she was asking. Her reply? “Because of your age.”
OUCH!
Now, as I’ve shared before, Ed and I don’t plan on having kids. But it’s hard to realize I’m starting to run out of TIME to have kids, should we change our minds. After all, I’ve been talking about having “plenty of time” for years and years now.
When I was in my 20s, I thought I’d be done having kids by the time I was 30, just like my mom was. As my 20s went on without my meeting the man I’d marry, I soothed myself with the fact that “I had plenty of time” to meet my husband and then have babies. When I hit my late 20s and started wondering if I wanted to have kids, period, people told me “I had plenty of time” to change my mind.
Before Ed and I got married, we decided we wouldn’t have kids, but would revisit the issue when we’d been married for two years; rethinking the issue when I was 33 would give us “plenty of time” to have babies if we decided that’s what we wanted to do. Our second anniversary came and went, and our decision hadn’t changed.
And now, as I’m about to turn 34, even though the decision not to have kids seems the best decision for us and our situation, it makes me sad. That said, however, while we we’re not guaranteed another day together, Ed and I like the idea of having “plenty of time” together, just the two of us.
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I totally think the two of you should have a baby, it’s fun and really bonding. When Deeder was born I really felt like Darren and I grew closer together as a couple. Parenting sure does have it’s bundle of struggles and is completely a sacrificial journey, but talk about becoming one–it just completes the story of love and marriage, at least for us.
You’d be a great mom, and Ed would be a super cool pop! Think about it. ;)
PS: Thanks for your kind words on my preggo news…I’m glad you’re excited for us. :)
Whatever your decision, it is a hard one to make. And it really sucks when your body (aka your age) forces you to make that decision before you feel completely ready for it. But I’m sure you and Ed will do whatever is right for you both. And I’m sending a hug your way! (((hug)))
I think it’s wonderful that you and Ed not only had the conversation before you got married, but also agreed to revisit it once you were together for a few years. This year, I turn 35 and even though I already have children, I still feel the urgency to decide if we’ll have any more.
Bringing children into this world is never an easy decision, no matter what our age. Kudos to you for not taking the decision lightly. :) Hugs!
The baby thing. Ugh. :-)
At this point in time, my boy and I are pretty firmly in the ‘no baby’ camp. I get that that makes us weird to a lot of people. Oh well. Our biggest motivation to change our minds? The disappointment we know our families will have. Which is SO not a reason to have a baby. (Not that we would use that reason at all)
You’ll know what decision is right for you. If it’s not having kids, then sleep until 11am every weekend and enjoy every minute of it. We do. :-)
Speaking as your most favorite aunt I think being in your thirties is just hard anyway. A childhood friend of mine who I reconnected with on Facebook was surprised to hear I had had a child at all. She said she heard me say many times I didn’t want children. I don’t think I’m the “mother type” but I think I did ok with the one child I had and I wouldn’t have missed having him for anything in the world. I didn’t have any others for many reasons and I know I would have been o.k. had I not had any. I think you’re always going to have second thoughts about major life decisions and wonder what it would have been like to have made the other choice. I do. Just wait until your almost 45 like me and you’re really out of time! But I think you’ve listened to your deepest heart and done what’s best for you and Ed although it did surprise me having seen how much you loved babies when you were a child. You can still find ways to have a big influence in babies & children’s lives who need that help. I think it’s great to keep revisiting the issue and be open. Your family supports you in being happy with whatever choice you make.